they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My penis needs a shock collar
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
