Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
