i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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