My sheets look like a crime scene.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
