Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
