We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
