3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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