I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
