me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
