We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
