Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
