My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
