you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
