First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
