oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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