I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
