Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You made out with two different species that night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
