She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didn't notice because vodka
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
