I'd wear matching sweaters with you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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