I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
