she woke up with a sticky ear
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
