so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
