Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
