Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
