I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
