She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
