So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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