Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
