You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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