Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So much Jack, so little girl.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
