We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
