i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
