Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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