happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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