Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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