fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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