Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
