I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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