It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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