The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
