we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
