she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
