Say something about gay babies.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
