I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
