I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
