good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
