Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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