Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
