is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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