I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just cut my nipple shaving
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
