If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
