Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
