Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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