When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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